Herstory: Give Her A Choice

I keep coming across trending article bashing women for choosing to get married and start a family. I’m sure you’ve come across these rants urging women to bake cakes instead of getting engaged and attacking women for having children instead of a career. I do not wish to give these articles any more publicity than they’ve already accumulated. However, they have succeeded in getting a rise and reaction out of me. More than angry at their close-minded views, I am sad by their inability to see beyond their current frame of reference. While they believe they are breaking the cookie cutter mold of what a woman “should be”, they are instead, confining women to a new, equally constricting mold. 

In one article, Amy Glass, after calling motherhood easy, states that getting married and having kids is the “the most common thing, ever, in the history of the world.They are by definition, average.” She then asks the profound question “... why on earth are we settling for average?” How dare women have children now that feminism has taken root?! There should be no baby making!! Then the world will end with women on top- I’m not sure that’s allowed in an anti-procreation society. But at least we’d finally succeed in Going Green: no people=no environmental issues. 

Now, I must be very clear. I think it’s badass if a woman is passionate about her career and wants to be THE WOman. I do not tolerate anyone unjustly prohibiting women from their dreams. Anyone determined to grow and develop themselves, as well as others, is nothing short of amazing. That being said, a woman that makes raising children her career is both elevating and developing people, like any CEO of corporate America. She simply does it within her own home. And, guess what? She doesn’t get to shut down her computer and leave her office at the end of the day. It’s a 24/7 gig. AKA, she’s pretty badass herself. Then there’s the woman that balances a career and children... don’t even get me started on that hero. 

Unfortunately, the women writing these article don’t realize how they negatively affect the cause they so desperately fight for. During my undergrad, I took a Black History course and read an article (that I cannot locate for the life of me) by an insightful black woman on racism. Years ahead of her time, she recognized that it was not only the white man’s view of the black man that held him back from equality, but also the black man’s desire to embody white culture that enabled the division. Basically, she witnessed a black culture that was desperate to conform to white culture, instead of recognizing that their own culture could breed success. Subconsciously, the black man believed himself inferior and ruined his chances of gaining equality. The same is true for sexism.

If we continue to believe that the success defined by male culture is considered superior to the hardworking culture of housewives- we are fueling sexism. This does not mean women shouldn’t have careers outside of the home. Rather, business women and housewives deserve equal respect (all people deserve equal respect, but we’re trying to keep this to one manageable blog post people). An office on the top floor of the tallest building should not be the only quantification of success. Instead of solely praising enormous wealth and reputation (two thing that plague Leo in Wolf of Wall Street), we should find another measuring stick. Success should be defined by the right questions: 

Does your job make you happy? Are you growing? Are you developing others? Is there a source of balance and fulfillment in your life? 

These questions are much more important than the number of zeros on a paycheck or the title engraved on a gold plaque. It doesn’t matter whether a woman spends her days directing the air traffic control for the entire nation or helping her kindergartner with his/her first homework assignment, a real women can be successful in any circumstance she chooses. 

Give her that choice. Make herstory.

Strides for Change: Run, Read, React

I’ve been a runner for the majority of my life. Some twisted soul decided cross-country and track should be the only sports available to students at my elementary school. So while most children participated in modified soccer, basketball, or softball- I was running hills (for fun?). I still don’t understand how my coaches coaxed a bunch of 4th-8th graders to run repeats and long distances. But I am eternally grateful to Mr. Robinson and Mrs. Rogers for introducing me to my favorite pastime. I only wish I had realized my love earlier and thanked them properly.

Unfortunately, I was under appreciative and decided not to run my 8th grade year (my coaches were not very happy). But like the young brokenhearted always say, “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s your forever.” Well, I can’t exactly say I let running “go”. I suppose in the scenario, running let me go. And I came back years later, on my own, and the rest is history.

Running and I have been living happily ever after for a while now. In college I started tackling races again. At first it was satisfying, but eventually I started to feel a void. Running offered me so much- an outlet for my stress, a decent pair a legs, and a healthy appetite. In a loving relationship (if you can call it that) there reaches a point when the two participants fill each other so much that they overflow and offer something to the rest of the world. I realized running and I were reaching that point and I didn’t know where to channel the overflow. That’s when I encountered Team in Training.

Team in Training is a team (no really?) that trains (what?) to run some amazing races across the nation. What makes this team so unique? They don’t just run, they are responsible for fundraising over $1.4 billion. The money they raise goes to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (LLS)- a group dedicated to ending blood cancers today. They are responsible for radical research that saves lives. Just last weekend, I heard Darren, a survivor of stage IV Hodgkin Lymphoma, tell his story. Darren was diagnosed during his engagement and he and his then fiance postponed their wedding for treatment. When chemo was unsuccessful, the two lovebirds got married and enjoyed their honeymoon before turning to LLS. The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society offered him a stem cell transplant that provide him and his now wife 10 years... and their story isn’t over.

I joined the team without a personal connection to blood cancer. At first, I felt like I didn’t have the right to ask people for money, because I didn’t have a moving story. I also felt I didn’t need to go to practices, because I was already in half marathon shape. Oh the things I have learned. I went to my second practice this weekend and was overwhelmed by the support and stories of others. Everyone was so invested in helping each other reach their goal- their support overflowed and poured into one another. One second I was a stranger, the next a teammate. Everyone was amazing- they are the kind of people I want to be surrounded by daily. Needless to say, I will be attending a lot more practices from now on. I was inspired and left the practice feeling like a vital asset to the mission. 

My quest to run for more than myself has proven more transformative than I thought. I  am not only challenged to raise more money than ever before, but I am recognizing a need for companionship during this time in my life- I am a new resident of Seattle missing her deployed running partner. Most importantly, I  am learning to care deeply about the mission and its ability to bring hope. I carry every story I hear with me and it encourages me to keep pounding the pavement- through ran, wind, and hail. Someone’s story can change for the better.

Please click HERE and donate on my website. Cancer ends with us!

Thank you for reading and reacting.

Go Team!!